But Wait, Call Now…

Ever get sick and tired of those stupid commercial ads for the very best deal of the century bombarding you twenty times a day on the television?  What planet do they think us viewers are from anyway?

“How would you like to be the proud owner of our new high tech, supper-duper ‘green’ vacuum cleaner?” (I think ‘green’ refers to the color of it or the money wasted buying it!) “It has a high performance Chevy small block powering it and is guaranteed never to loose suction!”  (Now, that I do believe, that baby could suck up the carpet you are cleaning…as well as half the furniture in the room with flower pots and the cat to boot!)

“But wait (for what Hell to freeze over?) there is more…this machine comes equipped with a  Mack truck twenty six speed automatic transmission”.  Guess that is for a cruise around the neighborhood if you get tired of vacuuming.  “This fabulous machine can also be equipped with Caterpillar treads for easy cleaning of stairs and second floor rooms.”  Might be very useful also for Fall leaf clean ups.

“This machine has a permanent dust bag (no more running around to find filter bags) but does require a semi-yearly crane rental and industrial bin for convenient disposal at your local landfill site”.

“But wait…if you call now, we will double your order!  That’s right now you can give one as a gift to your neighbor or mother in law, you just pay the extra shipping charges”.  How come they never tell you what those shipping charges will cost you, could be thousands of dollars!

“So get out that credit card (no cheques or money orders) and call NOW!  You only pay three hundred easy monthly payments of $395 (easy?) and receive a free gift of a replacement cat.”

How about the one for a new high-tech flashlight?  It comes equipped with thirty-seven Led light bulbs and requires three 12 volt auto batteries (not included) to operate it.  It is likely very portable if you can lift it, if you can’t it makes a great garden light.  Oh, by the way, never but never point it’s light skyward.  To do so would invite a visit from Federal Aviation representatives, ever shone a laser pointer skyward?  If you have you know what I’m talking about!

Again, “so get out that credit card and call NOW!  For only three easy monthly payments of three hundred dollars it can be yours today!”  “But wait, if you call in the next hour, we will triple you order, you only pay the extra shipping costs.  Makes a great gift for your 90 year old grandmother or a much loved neighbor.”

Readers may have noticed that the author of this blog intentionally left out those important phone numbers to take advantage (?) of these offers.  That is because I have personally seen hundreds of some of those great offers at a flea market in Pickering.  Most of these items are left over from the TV ads and are selling for about three dollars each!

How about that former Toronto mayor’s:  “Noooooobody but nooooooobody beats our deals?”

Have to go now, must clean up the glass from the chair through the TV screen ‘accident’!!

Regards, Ranger.

One comment

  1. bushwasher's Lil Sis · · Reply

    So Ranger you saying I’m not going to receive one of those awesome vacuum cleaners from you?


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