I don’t know if anyone out there in cyber space have noticed, but I am a little bit behind in keeping up to the Bushwhacker in the amount of posts that I have been writing of late. I have not been up to my usual ‘fun loving and high on life spirits’ now for a while and have been trying very hard not to write ‘sad or down in the dumps’ articles that may depress our readers. Most of my friends have not noticed this change in me yet. I have always been seen as a quiet and laid- back kind of guy…at work I was often seen as a bit slow and maybe a little bit lazy? Go figure! Several times co-workers had been ready to call MacCoubreys (the local Funeral Home) to send over the wagon to pick me up! Some of these same co-workers once called me ‘Lightening’. At the time, I thought that was because I worked so fast and efficiently…now I’m not so sure!
I have been trying hard lately to get my yearly blood work done and to make the annual doctor’s appointment, now way over due. But every morning I look out the window and see nothing but ice and ‘blizzard like’ snow falling all around and the darned thermometer seems frozen at -40 below. The old Aspire (computer) even froze up this morning and after a short session with a blow torch is working now and I really should break off the icicles from the kitchen light. It’s not the procrastination (I’m also very well known for by all) it’s the blankety-blank weather that is the culprit…but tomorrow morning I will maybe try again to give the blood suckers something to do.
This morning I hear that GM and Ford sales are down 6% but Chrysler sales are up 16%…you just know some people are buying ‘tank-like’ vehicles like the Jeep…do they think (or worse, know!) that spring has been cancelled this year or is this just another symptom of my unusual medical condition?
Perhaps I should list here some of the causes of my sickness:
1. Staying up most of the night watching old, mind- dulling black & white movies, even though I have a brand new 46” colour Samsung TV, then sleeping on the old couch, covered up in a blanket most of the day.
2. More frequent and annoying ‘sales-pitch’ phone calls that always come when you are on the throne, in the tub , cooking a meal or having your afternoon nap! Maybe I should respond to them…I could be rich and would have won enough free trips to a southern island and would not need to worry about spring fever!
3. Having dreams that Russia and the Ukraine are on the verge of a deadly war at any time…oh, no, forget that one… that one is only too true!
4. Seeing more commercials on TV that can cure you of any medical problems that you might have, by just popping another pill. The problem here is the side effects…may cause blindness, constipation, upset stomach, loss of hair, high blood pressure, diabetes, loss of your job, home, friends, family, bank account, mistress, cancer or even death! Think I’d rather stick to spring fever! My favorite one is for a men’s special pill “if erection lasts for more than four hours, see your doctor” or some of your old girl friends on the way there! And how the heck do you get there? Can you still walk or drive your car? Maybe call an ambulance? Does OHIP really pay for this?
5. This one has nothing to do with the current subject. It’s just that I have been waiting for a long time to find a really good reason to slip this little tidbit of information into a relative posting. On finding none, here it is. My mother had a brother-in-law named Frank and her sister’s name was Tyne. Perhaps you can see where I am going with this…I always cringed when told that we were going to visit Frank & Tyne. True story! If you don’t get this one and chuckle, send me your email address and I will explain! You should by now know how bad my spring fever is.
6. Another symptom is reverting to memories of the way back eras. I remember as a kid growing up in Camborne Village with a population of about seventy-five inhabitants. We had no movie theaters, bowling alleys, playgrounds, boy (or girl) scouts, ski hills or McDonalds! Dry your eyes! The one thing we had that I believe all kids should have had… a one hundred and thirty acre farm with a stream that ran through it year round. As kids, we would build sod dams over it and create our own swimming pool. Every time it rained, it would flood out and we would have to build another one, but it was hot, anyone remember a hot summer day? My older brothers once got hold of an old four wheel buckboard. We would haul it up Toenail Hill (who needs a horse or brakes) and run it down the hill with of course, a look-out posted at the sharp turn at the bottom to avoid a confrontation with cars coming the other way, we may have been crazy, but we had no wish for death. Now at my age, I’m worried about spring fever being my demise!
7. Seeing the dumbest things on the television. A farmer building a ten-foot high snowman, guess he has nothing better to do with all that snow or maybe we could all go for this! Rob Ford going to the U.S. to appear on the Jimmy Kimell Show last night…what the hell was he thinking? Like he needs more crappy press? Hearing Mel Lastman screeming “nooooboby” once more, I swear I will put my foot through the TV screen! And what the heck is a weather Vortex and why have I never heard of it before? Is this something new that the weathermen invented to placate us?
But I digress, maybe I’m not the only one with spring fever this year. Perhaps we should all start a ‘ground-swell’ movement and blame this winter on the government, it seems like the thing to do nowadays! On thinking about this…maybe not. We would have to find a politician to draw up a bill to put to Parliament, this would only happen if there was an up-coming election! The bill would likely go to the Senate and those useless folks would have to send it to a special committee to study it for about two years . Consultants would have to be called in (costing us several million dollars and creating more jobs and cash for their cronies). Researchers (you remember them Bushwhacker?) would have to come up with a pill for spring fever. After six years of study on rats maybe us humans could pop them. And oh yeah, OHIP would refuse to cover the cost to us unless we were illegal emigrants, criminals, or an off-shoot religious sect!
Well, here it is Tuesday…I started this blog yesterday, but had to have an afternoon nap and was woke up several times by phone calls offering free trips to Russia or the Ukraine with my new ‘low interest’ credit cards. If I had a cat, I’m sure I could obtain a credit card for it, as the callers never even know or ask my name nor know my credit history.
Being Tuesday, here comes another blizzard and that means that the Bushwhacker and Ranger’s Wednesday tour will likely have to be cancelled again! I just know that he will call in the morning and will plead, offer me a free pizza for lunch or a new car, if only he can come over to my place and play crokinole. You must really read his blog on his dislike for the game! I’ve really got to give the guy some credit…he will have his perpetual Wednesday- only, band-aid on his shooting finger! He claims he has an infected fingernail that no government intervention or research group can cure! Maybe OHIP won’t cover this injury. Sure makes for a good excuse for his ever low scores! I would offer to let him take the board home for a week to practice and assuming he could talk The Wife into playing it with him, well likely I’d never see either of them again!
No, Can’t do that…think of all those delicious cookies she frequently sends over with him, boy, I’d really miss those sugar-free temptations!
But hold on a second…DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME starts again this weekend!! The sun just came out again a few minutes ago and the weatherman is calling for back to normal temperatures by Friday! And I bet my brother-in-law will be producing maple syrup any day now!
I’m feeling much better now.