A Bridge Too Far

See if you can guess the function of this structure.  Then try to figure why it was never used. ‘Cause we never have.  It’s along the route to many venues of exploration over the years but, never itself explored until now.  You can’t see from the picture, but it spans a set of railroad tracks.

A bridge too far

Seems Life is just a series of compromises.  A decade ago, there were virtually no houses near the tracks on Lakeshore Rd (There must be, say … a quarter million Lakeshore Rds in Southern Ontario).  Suddenly, someone noticed all this cheap real estate, and that attracted people without enough money.  By that I mean, people without enough money to build a sprawling castle on 300 acres of prime fox and deer hunting property where the servants are appropriately oppressed, and her Majesty drops by for afternoon tea every other Wednesday.  I mean people who only have enough money to build a farkin’, giganta – frickin’ – ormous, sprawling, gaudy, mansion on a piece of property worthless to anyone other than a coupla thousand stalks of corn.  And by that I mean … oh let’s say … maybe a piece of real estate so close to a railway track that when the engineer farts, you get to smell it.  You needn’t concern yourself about hearing it though.  The deafening rumble of the train would drown that out, so like, you got that going for ya.  These are descendants of the same people who, back in my childhood, lived in tarpaper shacks below overpasses in Toronto … with a Cadillac in every driveway.

Jeez !  I wander off topic easily anymore.  Must’ve burned out from all those years of staying focussed on my career path (snort !).  Anyway, before I drift away again let’s get back to our mysterious structure.  As mentioned, first came the mansions.  Then came the bridge, followed by the celebrated subdivision “Cheapascrap Estates” (reflecting the quality, not the price, of … an estate).  The bridge, as one can see was meant to allow access to the field on the other side of the railway tracks.  But, for who (whom? I can never get that straight).  I’m guessing a bridge built over the railway tracks would cost a rather valuable part of a guy’s reproductive anatomy.  Maybe even a first born young to boot.  So why was it built ?  What would’ve been its function ?  Why was it never used ?  Finally, who’s watching it, as the road to it was seriously blocked with huge concrete road closures within days of Ranger and my visit ?

Valid questions, one and all !  OK so, Ranger and I paid it a visit and found the ramps up to it were fenced off.  We climbed as far up as a pair of guys our ages could.  That means, not real far up.  We certainly wouldn’t have presented any threat to the structure, the railway tracks, nor to our own safety.  The platform floor was only about 10 feet wide, and was made of sheets of relatively thin metal.  It wasn’t designed to tolerate anything of any weight.  It wasn’t even wide enough to accommodate light farming equipment, much less the kind that would be needed to cultivate the field on the other side.  So what was its function ? (spoiler alert !  There’s no punch-line at the end here folks.  I’m seriously asking for help ! ).

The best we can do is guess it was for an intended golf course on the other side of the tracks (which hasn’t happened yet, if it’s ever gonna).  At the same time, Ranger faintly recalls hearing that it was abandoned because the carts couldn’t climb the ramp, &/or the angles at the top were too sharp for the carts to clear without bottoming out.  The ramps certainly looked steep, but I don’t know how much clearance a golf cart needs.  That’s because, you can brutally murder me, and bury me in a grave to be ignored by loved ones and p*ssed upon by feral dogs before I’ll be caught dead in a golf cart.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m cool with getting old. I realize “things” hurt more than they used to, and take longer to heal.  But I will never wield a golf club even to defend myself from a busload of serial killers.  There are some stereotypes I simply refuse to succumb to.  I’ll even admit Ranger and I frequent a buffet style Chinese restaurant from time to time.  But golf ?  Uh – Uh !  I’ve only done it once.  I was talked into it by the guys in a pub the wife and I used to hang about in.  I was partnered up with one of the biggest p*ss-tanks (and best golfers) in the pub and so, had a wonderfull time playing “best ball”.  We laughed, drank, staggered, drank, took wild swings at the ball, drank … and actually did quite well, drank.  The 2 idiots we were playing against, were cheating on their score cards !!!  It was just a good time, funday tournament with a bunch of half-cut pub-mates on a Saturday afternoon, and those 2 idiots had to cheat ?  Gawd !!!  There were no trophies, no prize money, no bragging rights, no nuthin’, and they still felt compelled to cheat.  This is why I hate sports !  A-holes at every turn.

OK, I’d better get this published before I start ranting about golf courses popping up faster than amanitas everywhere you  …

OK I’d better get this published, so someone may explain exactly what this bridge’s function is/was/would’ve been.  Any help would be muchly appreciated.

Bushwhacker

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2 comments

  1. Bushwacker's LilSis · · Reply

    Well taking a crack at it….maybe it was built with Ranger in mind? I mean it does span railway tracks and in his blog he did mention his affection and close calls with trains. Maybe someone just wanted to keep him safe while he could admire the trains as they pass under. 🙂

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  2. Geez Bushwhacker’s LilSis…I think you are as sharp as a tack! (and correct). Wish someone had the aforethought to have told Ranger about this. With Ranger’s luck though…it should have been made portable as he can’t seem to stay off railroad tracks all over southern Ontario!

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